On behalf of The Vegetarians Promiscuous, it is with great hesitation and a caveat emptor overtone that I announce the immediate availability of a new EP by the eclectic sofa-rock group. Before another sentence can pass, I must request that you, dear reader, restrain yourself from listening to the music. If this restraint proves insufficient, know that I have placed Kreacher, my PowerBook, on the floor and type this on my knees with my nose to the floor (I am actually doing this): do not judge us too harshly.

The record is named Fuckin’ Job and is not for your children. (Please add this to your notes under “Reasons Not to Listen to the New TVP Album”.) Sometimes intentionally and sometimes incidentally, the topics and vocabulary become tastelessly inappropriate. Relatedly, I was somehow permitted to sing on every single track on the album, demonstrating reckless disregard of the common knowledge that I have no sense of rhythm and couldn’t carry a tune even if that stringy-haired and hollow-eyed degenerate, Tom DeLay, reached through the bars of his holding cell to fix his skeletal fingers around my neck and rasped through clenched, rotting teeth, “carry a tune!”. I am fairly certain that the only time I sing a real note on Fuckin’ Job is in the record’s only love song, wherein a vocoder has had its way with my tunelessness.

If the EP had a subtitle, it would probably be “we ran out of time”. The band originally imagined that it would produce good music, but it slowly dawned upon us that this would be very difficult. So, instead, we produced these songs. The process became one riddled with cut corners, half-assedness, and, above all, distraction. (My favorite of the former occurs in track seven, in which Kreacher’s fan noise almost entirely drowned out the voices of the band. An application of Audacity’s noise-removal filter had an unexpected and ridiculously irritating effect.) At least we are better than Wesley Willis.

Please cringe as little as possible as you listen, if you must, to these songs on last.fm. In total, they run twenty-seven minutes exactly.

1. Best Suit (4:07)
2. Breakfast (1:40)
3. People Always Tellin’ Me to Get a Fuckin’ Job (1:53)
4. You Suck So Much (1:28)
5. Breakfast Part ii (3:53)
6. Symbols & Numbers (1:48)
7. The Tight Pants Dance (12:29)

The Vegetarians Promiscuous are:

• Joel Bombardier
• Kris Skotheim
• Ariana Taylor-Stanley
• Anna Scott
• Adrian Sampson

You may also be interested in some other Fuckin’ Job-related resources.

• It’s possible that you might want to read the lyrics.
• You could need to see a PNG of the front cover.
• Or, perhaps, you’d be more into the back cover.
• Not one to take sides, maybe you’d like to download a PDF of the full liner, including both covers and all the lyrics. Print the two pages onto opposite sides of the same sheet of paper. Choosing the correct orientation for the paper may take some critical thought, but I’m sure you can do it.
• There’s a chance that you would like to download these tracks. You can do this at the last.fm album page.

Once again, these tracks are offered to you under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 license.